I lost roughly 80 pounds in the 4 short months after my gastric bypass. My bariatric surgeon has told me that he wants me to lose a total of 125 pounds, which would put me around 140 pounds. When I joined the Air Force in 2001, I weighed approximately 160 pounds. I cannot remember a time when I was below that weight. But I’ve already stopped losing weight.

Once I hit that 4 month mark, I stared to panic a bit. Was I proud of myself? Sure…but I was also freaking out. 80 pounds in 4 months is really fast. I hadn’t weighed this little in years. Will I like my body below 180? What if I have a ton of excess skin? Although my husband said he’d be fine if I had loose skin, I wonder if it would actually gross him out. I am losing weight in order to gain back my health…but I also want to be attractive to Mississippi Man.

I Stopped Losing Weight

I started eating a bit more food. When I felt satisfied, I would force myself to eat another few bites to the point of being stuffed full. I also began to eat food that made me feel like garbage, like chocolate. I do get “dumping syndrome” due to sugar intake. For me dumping syndrome feels like I’m dying, and my heart rate races and pounds. It’s physically exhausting.

I did all this to maintain the loss without letting it progress any further. I haven’t gained any weight in the last few weeks, nor have I binged on food. I just added in those foods that I knew I should not consume. I am proud that I did not hide what I ate from my family, like I have in the past. Pride is not what I feel however, knowing that I stopped losing weight before I was healthy.

Why

I stopped losing because I’m comfortable at 180 pounds. At 260 pounds I was constantly tired and out of breath. At 180 I no longer feel like a fatty out in public, and I get around a lot easier. My knee still creeks but doesn’t ache anymore. When I think about my body though, I know that I am still overweight (though not obese).

A lot of weight loss surgery patients have mental health issues post op. There are several reasons for this, and many ways to deal with those issues. Support is key. Whether you have family supporting you or not, reaching out to other patients helps a lot. I have several friends I have met through this process, and the Bariatric Foodie page helps a lot as well.

I could stand to lose quite a bit more weight. I stopped losing weight before I was ready. I also want my body to DO more for me, like running or having more balance. Although it’s not as bad as being 265 pounds, I do get winded walking up hills or jogging. These are things that exercise helps with, because nutrition will only do so much.

Another Surgery

Skin removal surgery will be an option for me. Several women in the bariatric support group I attend have had surgery. They look amazing and swear they feel that way too. A lot of patients who lose a lot of weight do have excess skin. That skin chafes and often has rashes that develop under the folds. For someone living an active lifestyle, the pulling sensation of the skin can also be painful. After skin removal patients state they are more confident and comfortable than ever before.

Post tummy tuck pictures terrify me though, and I’m do not want that surgery. It includes a scar from hip to hip and drainage tubes for several weeks. Mississippi Man says that once I a weight I am comfortable in that I might change my mind. Time will tell. I am very lucky in the fact that my husband fully supports my journey to health, and wants me to be comfortable. Surgery will cost us several thousand dollars, but we’ll find a way to make it happen if or when the times comes.

Acceptance

The thing I’ve realized though, is that I am okay. My body is okay, or decent, but it could be better. I’ll be okay if I lose more weight. My marriage will be fine. Nothing dramatic or scary will happen if I lose weight. It took time for me to realize that taking my body to a place I’m unfamiliar with is okay.

A very smart friend (and fellow gastric bypass patient) told me something really insightful today. “Someday you’ll be brave, but until you are…you’ll do a lot of amazing and great things while you’re scared shitless”. I love that and it might be my new motto.

I do want to lose more weight. In order to live my life to the fullest and be a positive role model for my children, I really need to get healthy! I always tell my kids that “Gordon means ‘Don’t Quit'” so I am living up to that now. I’m Tiffany Gordon damn it, and Gordon means ‘Don’t Quit’. So I’m really Tiffany Don’t Quit.

I had stopped losing…yes. But I’m back to eating healthy again, and tracking my intake to make sure I’m getting in my protein. If you’d like to follow me I use myfitnesspal and my user name is Dtleh. I’m going to eat healthy and let my weight get to a healthy level…whatever that may be.

Disclaimer

These are stock photos I found at https://pixabay.com/  They aren’t me!  Maybe in a later post I’ll be brave enough to post a picture of my body again…but not today.

*Update: I did post some here if you are interested:

The Decent Mom’s Weight Loss Story

Rediscover Yourself After Major Weight Loss

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