I’ve taken quite a bit of time away from “The Decent Mom” lately, and for those of you who gained support from my articles, I apologize. I left without notice and didn’t leave many clues as to why. I am grateful for stepping away however, because things have been busy and throughout it all I actually discovered what matters most to me.
So What’s Been Going On?
I tend to take on more projects than I should, and end up feeling overwhelmed. This time around has been no different. I took on a chair position with the PTA, being the “room parent” for my daughter’s class, projects around the house and taking college classes all at once. By stepping away from my blog however, I was saying “no” to something and took the time normally spent writing and promoting the page, and used it on myself. I made a new friend, which isn’t an easy thing for me to do. Took the time to paint my nails. I took hot baths. Even watched a few great shows that I had never seen before (This Is Us, Rick and Morty, Bojack Horseman, and a few more I can’t recall). I’ve even (gasp!) tried yoga and guess what? I freaking love it.
By now you’re probably thinking “Okay okay we get it, you’ve been doing stuff”. The reason it’s important that I share what I’ve been doing with you is this: I have crazy bad depression and anxiety. Normally being overwhelmed with “stuff” on top of it shuts me down entirely. I drop commitments, freak out and turn inward to a dark spiral. I didn’t do that this time.
What Did I Do Instead You Ask? Let Me Tell You
I’ve been taking time for myself. Not just my kids or my hot husband. I’ve still cooked at home, cleaned and washed their smelly clothes…although admittedly I have slacked on the latter a bit. The point is that for me, I have found that what really matters…is me.
Bear with me, I know I’m coming off just a little bit conceited (yes, I do love Fergie). I’ve just seriously realized that if I feel like shit, depressed, anxious and like a failure…it helps no one. Everyone says “take care of yourself first, otherwise you can’t help anyone else” right? I’ve heard the airline oxygen thing a million times, and would still put on my kids masks first. But here’s the thing. When I take that time for myself, when I feel just a bit indulgent and selfish…I’m a better Mom. I cook better food. My house feels better. My husband and I act like more than roommates.
What Really Matters To You Today Mama?
Every day I have to ask myself “What really matters to you today Mama?” and act accordingly. The plan I made yesterday for today might not work. Things change and my moods change so quickly that I honestly might not have any energy or time to do what I had planned. But today I can sit down and figure out what I really need…and want…to do today.
Right now I wanted to write to you. To say thanks for sticking with me, and for not making me feel alone with the whole Mom thing. I’m still not perfect or amazing…but I’m still pretty decent. And that’s what really matters.