Meeting new friends is a lot like dating. You are spending time and energy looking for that one special friend…your Mom Soul Mate. Someone you can share your life with and raise your kids together to be one big family.
When I left the military to be a stay at home Mom I thought “Ah, I’m finally part of this exclusive “Mom Club” and I’ll meet tons of Mommy friends at play groups”. As introverted as I am, I pushed myself to go to parks, libraries and play groups I even signed up for websites like meetup.com and found local Mommy and Me groups.
It wasn’t easy. I had two kids under the age of two and all that gear that seems necessary when leaving the house with little ones. In addition, if you’re trying to meet your Mommy Soul Mate you need to look presentable right? Which means wearing clean and fitting clothing, having clean hair and maybe even doing your makeup after a sleepless night (or months of sleepless nights).
After months of searching, I realized that having kids the same age and being in the same life stage ourselves is not enough. I made acquaintances with whom I had everything in common: degree plans, prior military service, same number of kids
who were also around the same age. Those similarities weren’t enough for us to have that connection or chemistry that Mom Soul Mates should have. I resigned myself to the fact that I probably wasn’t going to find anyone besides the Inevitable Friend.
Isn’t that always how we find our Soul Mates though? When we stop looking? Not for this Mama. I’ve met amazing friends, and lucky for me I adore my sister in law who is my best friend. I’m here to tell you though Mama…you might not find your absolute Mom Soul Mate. You are so unique that the odds of finding someone who you have chemistry with and has the same parenting philosophies with kids around your kids ages is pretty slim.
-Stop looking for your Mom Soul Mate-
What a sad post, right? NO MAMA! It’s not sad, this is actually a good thing. You don’t need a Mama Soul Mate. What you really need is a friend who gets you. You need friends who have their lives together enough to not drag you into constant drama, but are real enough to admit they aren’t perfect, but are pretty decent.
One of my best friends has kids who are YEARS older than my kids. We have the same outlooks on life and happened to both marry southern men (hers is a Louisiana Man). I’m here to support her through her transition of her kids doing big kid stuff (like going to college?!) and she’s always there to remind me that the little kid stage is fleeting. We help each other a lot and I adore her.
You’re not alone in trying hard to make Mom friends…author Amy Corbett Storch wrote a great article about it on the website Alpha Mom. She has some more great ideas on how to make Mom friends and a funny take on the awkward moments when you think you’ve found “the one”. From the sounds of her article, I don’t think she has found her Mom Soul Mate yet either.
Stop looking for your Mom Soul Mate lady. Relax and get to know people that you wouldn’t think at first glance you had anything in common with. I’m not saying you won’t find your Mom Soul Mate, it could happen. It’s just that there’s nothing out there like MomSoulMateFinders.com. If there is such a site and you find your Mom Soul Mate let me know. I’ll update this post.