Dear Husband: If I Die First

I read an article on Scary Mommy today that really hit a nerve with me. The author details how she would want her husband to raise their three daughters if she were to die first. Since my anxiety has often focused on “if I die first”, of course I read it…ready to nod my head in agreement with a tear in my eye.

Instead I nodded in disbelief and the only tear in my eye was due to sadness for this woman’s husband. She certainly implied that the father of her children (and the man she chose to marry) didn’t know that toothbrushes needed toothpaste, or that kids need healthy meals consisting of more than “mustard packets and a can of soda”. Either she is married to a mentally disabled person or she’s insulting a man who is fully capable of raising children.

Dying first isn’t my worst fear by a long shot. My dying first and him reading that woman’s article would be so incredibly horrible, and he deserves so much more. I want to make sure that my dear husband knows my wishes for him and our two surviving children in case (cue anxiety) I happen to die first.

Dear Husband:

If I die first…Don’t Let Pity In

I hope that if I die people miss me. It’s okay to be sad and it’s fine to cry, grief  hurts. Pity is different though! I don’t want you and the kids to pity yourselves for not having the family we imagined. Don’t let people pity our kids for not having their mother by their side. Remember how blessed we were as a family to be together for as long as we were. You and the kids continue to be blessed by having extended family and each other. Get over the pity feeling and remember that’s not who we are as a family. We are strong damn it. Stay that way.

If I Die First…Keep Doing You

You’re amazing sweetheart. Not only am I lucky to call you my husband, but our kids couldn’t ask for a better daddy. Seriously. I have no reason to butter you up…if you have a real reason to read this then I’m dead and won’t benefit from kissing ass, right? You know how to raise these kids, and you know how to handle home and work like a pro. I’ve given you shit for being a workaholic, but you really do a good job balancing it all. Between the journals I’ve done a half ass job of writing and my articles like Dear Teenager, I’m pretty sure the kids will be able to understand who I was. Keep doing the things that make you…you. Keep playing video games, working hard, and for God’s sake…please keep telling our kids Tolkien stories from memory.

If I Die First…The Other Woman

We’ve always said that if we divorced that neither of us want to remarry or even have relationships. It’s a lot of work and romantic relationships are messy and complicated, especially with kids involved. Let’s be honest though…as independent as you are, I think you’d be lonely. I don’t want you to be one of those people whose family sighs saying “I think he’s just lonely”. You deserve to have someone scratch your back and be able to banter back and forth with you. I’m not going to have any special requests about her, or ask that she be kind and loving to my kids…because you are such a good judge of character I know you have it handled. Hey, I even hope she’s got a rockin’ body.

If I Die First…The Haunting

I would join all the other women who claim they’d haunt you forever, but let’s be real. I’m way too huge of a Supernatural fan to want that for anyone. I will warn you though, that like Supernatural, if there’s a way for me to reach you or come back to life, I probably will. I’m kind of selfish like that and I’ll miss you guys too. Don’t worry about salting the house though, I’ll be busy hanging out with Lahna and my best friend Sargey.

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