We all have friends who change our world views. They open our eyes and our hearts and make us better people. I wanted to share how 5 of my friends didn’t start out that way. I’m a better friend, mother and human being for knowing them. Just a note, I changed my 5 friends names for their privacy and gave them “Friends” names instead. If you are one of these friends: I adore you and appreciate you more than you’ll ever know. I’m sorry I was such a judgmental b*t&h and thank you for educating me about life and love.
Pheobe has been through some seriously hard things in life. She chose drugs and bad relationships to deal with it when she was a teenager. I stopped hanging out with her because that wasn’t the life I wanted when I grew up. When I heard she was a mother years later, I thought “Geez, I hope she pulls herself together or that kid is screwed”. People with messed up habits or pasts shouldn’t have kids and pull them into drama, right?
Pheobe had been through things that at the time I had no way of understanding. I had a pretty sheltered childhood. Pheobe dealt with her problems the only way that she knew how to at the time.
She turned her life around BEFORE having her beautiful child, who is incredibly kind and intelligent. Pheobe loves nature and wants her children to grow up active and healthy.
In addition, those horrible experiences Pheobe had as a kid helped her grow into an incredibly deep hearted, empathetic and giving woman. I am so incredibly grateful that I have been graced with the opportunity to be her friend again. I just wish I had been able to support her better when she needed me years ago.
This chick is super religious and home schools her 3 kids. Her family doesn’t have cable television and if they do catch a show it’s probably PBS. I felt Monica was too conservative and needed to loosen up to have some fun. Why bother having kids if you can’t even expose them to the real world, right?
Although I viewed Monica as “super religious” she actually never pushed her religion on anyone. I knew she went to church, but that was about it. This woman is a work horse, so when they go to bed at 9 pm it’s because she is exhausted. Although they don’t have cable, they are so incredibly busy that it doesn’t make a difference. They have so much fun as a family and are constantly on the go. Monica has helped me out of quite a few ruts. She is amazing and I admire her patience and understanding.
Rachel always knew exactly where her kids were, who was there, and what they were doing. Her teenagers were not allowed to go out on weekends, so there was no point in giving them a curfew. I felt like she was crazy over protective and that if Rachel didn’t chill out her kids were going to rebel in a huge way. Who can you trust if you can’t even trust your own kids, right?
Although I didn’t know it right away (and why would I?), Rachel was abused by a family member when she was younger. This taught her at a very early age not to trust anyone with her children. Her over protective tendencies were a valiant effort to protect her kids from the dangers she knew too well. Rachel tries hard to have fun with her kids and let them do things independently when she knows the environment and trusts them to be honest with her. She is one of the strongest women I know and her kids grew up to be great, independent people.
She takes time away from her child to hang out with friends and go to concerts. Carol calls herself an introvert but how can that be if she enjoys going out? I’m an introvert and going out exhausts me. Carol takes the time to workout and wear nice clothing, and even on her “sweat pants days” I swear she looks polished. I thought that the Moms who took “Momcations” were selfish. Why have kids if you don’t want to be around them constantly and make them your entire life, right?
Carol and I didn’t get along right away. Although our families got together quite a bit, we were quiet around one another and kept to ourselves. That’s probably because I was so dang judgmental and she knew it. The more I got to know her however, I realized that Carol was a much more patient and giving mother than I was. She took the time to take care of herself and was then able to care for her family in ways I never could. Carol didn’t feel the need to stop having a life outside of her home and this has allowed her to be refreshed and energized. I love her spirit and am very privileged to have her friendship.
Before I met Susan I judged Moms with crazy colored hair. Although I love tattoos (and have a few myself), the Moms with highly visible tatoos used to weird me out. Unnaturally colored hair and loud tattoos don’t scream “I’m a responsible and caring adult that you can trust.” Susan must have never intended on having children or wasn’t that into motherhood, right?
It didn’t take me long to adore Susan. She is one of the kindest people I have ever met and I would never classify her as irresponsible. In fact, she is the only person that I have ever allowed to watch my kids over night. Susan has taught me that I can be myself AND a great Mom without having to worry about censoring myself. She has an inner passion that has really helped me find my own passion in life and I will forever be in her debt.
Open Your Heart
Be careful about being too judgey. It’s easy to box people in and make decisions about them. We all want to be Decent Moms…so I think it’s a bit natural to assess how everyone else is doing and compare our styles to theirs. Instead of dismissing these women as your Inevitalbe Friends, look deeper. They have valuable lessons to teach you and some aspects of their style might benefit your family. I am a much better person because of these 5 friends, and I hope you have at least 5 friends in your life that you’ve opened your heart to.